I’m a bit behind writing this, but I’ve struggled to find time until vacation. I’m writing to you from Cancun and sitting in the sun while all of my friends in Michigan have -4 degree weather (sorry guys, had to rub it in). I can’t help but think that when things in life look dreary and cold that we have to transport our mindset to find the sunshine even if that doesn’t fix the issues. It’s scary to surrender the stress/anxiety and allow your mind to be free elsewhere.
My 2018 was ROUGH ride!
When I look back on my year the things that hurt could make a laundry list…
Sickness and infections for months at a time and a dislocated rib.
A broken relationship, mending broken emotions.
Learning to overcome my biggest insecurities, one includes my singing voice (my hugest insecurity).
I worked really hard for months voice training but struggled from the rib still healing. When I tried out for a worship team, I didn’t make the cut.
Our Haiti mission trip that was supposed to be my highlight of the year was cancelled due to civil unrest. I was looking so forward to for months.
Unexpected events in my professional life where I felt extremely discouraged, threatened, and unappreciated. All of which stirred the fear of my financial security since I’m still paying loans as well as my own rent and bills.
I traveled abroad completely alone for the first time and felt absolutely terrified trying street evangelism for the first time.
Another holiday season feeling lonely in a city where I have no family…
(Just to name a couple.)
At the beginning of 2018 I chose a word to focus on and that word was “courage.” Looking back on my year it wasn’t the happiest but I’ve took more chances than I think I ever have before. I challenged myself to say “yes” and take risks, left myself completely vulnerable and open to rejection. I applied myself and worked hard to improve, to grow. I hope that I’m all the better because of it.
Now that it’s 2019, imagine my surprise when things didn’t magically improve at the stroke of midnight! With all the stormy seas of my life I think the word I need to really be focusing on for this year is “trust.” Cause when things come crashing down my first reaction is, “I HAVE TO FIX IT ALL! HOW DO I FIX THIS? HOW DO I GET BACK TO FEELING LIKE THINGS ARE NORMAL AGAIN?!”
I can’t. I literally can’t fix it all. I have to step down from the position of frantically gluing the pieces together. I just need a break, to send my mind and my soul on a vacation. I have to trust God with the pieces and allow Him to make whatever it is He’s going to do with them.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and He will make your paths straight.”
Things might never be “normal” again. Maybe all the bad things will be sucked into metamorphosis and God will create this Jeremiah 29:11 future I pray for every day. Maybe He’s already doing it while I’m sitting here sipping this limonada…
If you’re in a similar position as me, feel free to join me in this world’s greatest, extremely epic, skydive-like trust fall.
Ojalá estuviera aquí,